We Have to Talk About Fight Club

For all his glory. He's deserving, He's worthy, He's more powerful than us. He can get stuff done that we can't even dream of. Nothing is impossible [singing] with him.

The best that we can hope to do is base level at his foottool.

And so, God, I pray that today, as we talk about marriage, as we celebrate Father's Day and talk about what it looks like to fight right, God, I pray that you would give us the strength that only comes from your Holy Spirit. I pray for the person coming in here for the first time right now that you would open up their heart, Help them be open and expectant about what you would do. I pray for the people who come in here week in, week out and think that they've got their stuff together. None of us have our stuff together.

Christ had his together, and that's why we get to spend eternity, forever and ever and ever, in heaven with you.

So, God, I pray that none of us feel like we got our stuff together, That we would lean on you and allow your power to supply us with all good stuff. If it is in Jesus's name that we pray and God's people said "Amen" On your way to your seat, won't you look at your neighbor and tell them: "Happy Father's Day, Happy Father's Day". Yeah, My mic is totally mixed, differently than the vocalist, So I would imagine online they heard a bunch of nonreverb me singing, which is probably amazing. I'm just going to be honest with you.

It's the best thing they've heard all week.

Who cares, It's Father's Day. I can do what I want, cuz I'm a dad. Raise your hand if you're a dad. Can we celebrate our dads again?

[cheering and applause]?. And they don't sit on the front row, but there are dads. Get your butts on the front row. Lead, well, Lead from the front is what we like to say.

You stand in the back, So I'm going be keep protected. Nah, we're good. We're saved by Christ Jesus. We don't need you for that.

We need you to serve and worship your creator.

So do it. Do it up here. I love Ted. I don't know if Ted's in here right now.

He's usually in our first service.

He always walks up. Yeah, Y'all think he needs to walk up here every week. He does it because he loves Jesus and because he knows it takes it takes a leader to take the first step. And so some of you men in here-, this is the only thing I'm going to say.

You just need to leg it up.

But I posted a video the other day because it was true. We, for Mother's Day, were super encouraging. You came to the brink of death in order to have kids and we love you. Here's a flower, and some pictures and frilly stuff.

The reason we get cheap stuff but we give you something is cuz most, most of you like gifts and because we know you're coming anyways, because it's Mother's Day.

It's Mother's Day, Everyone comes to church Father's Day. They're not fishing for men, They're fishing for fish. You know, it's just. Church is usually small on a Sunday, So we bring ribs and grills, trying to get people to show up, And some of the dads still didn't come sleeping at home.

Just kidding.

If you're watching online, get your, get your butt to church next week. There's your challenge, But we tend to challenge men And it's like: let me encourage you today. I'm going to encourage you today And I think it'll be helpful for both women and men, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. Today I'm going to talk to you about fighting.

Fighting.

It's like Billy Blanks fighting. I'll never forget when I was went to college. I went to a small college and [sighs] it was in a place called Archadadelphia, Arkansas. Thank you, Were you from California or something?

You're so cool?

Yeah, y'all are in radical debt over there when I'm just kidding, I don't. I haven't been to Arkansas in years, but, there were 12,000 people in Archadadelphia, Arkansas, when college was out, So small. There was a place called Lake Deg Gray. I'm learning as I get older and I live out here in the West that everything named in Arkansas requires an accent and I'm trying to get rid of it.

Every time I say something It's like Harrison, Arkansas, Arkansas, Arkansas.

But anyway, I was in Arkansas, Arkansas. I started school, I went to a Christian school because I thought you had to if you felt called to ministry, but then I majored in public accounting. Make it make sense. Anyways, I go there, about 15 to,800 people at the school.

So, again, like I said, smaller than my high school was.

You got to get to know these people And a lot of them are Christian people, A lot of them not Christian people. People would go party and everything like that, but there's a large group of guys who were 18, 19 years old. They weren't trying to party, Not old enough to do that kind of partying. And so we were sitting around one day and someone was like, "Yo, we should go down to the field and fight".

And if you're a dude in the room, like a real dude, you know how it is- Like, yeah, we should, Let's go fight.

There's about 30 guys, all the Christian ones, Let's go fight. So for some reason, somebody had boxing gloves in their room, two, two sets. I don't know what they did on the weekends, but we went down right next to the football field in Archadadelphia, Arkansas. I don't know why.

We thought it would be secret, but we had fight club the first night.

No one knew about it, except for the 30 guys there. Then the next day at at campus, we were walking around school It we had done church the night before. You know, we're all covered in, covered by the blood, somebody else's blood, And, I. So I, I like to.

I don't like to fight.

I'm trying to be really careful with how I tell this story, but I like when I used to be like an insecure teenager, And as an insecure teenager it felt cool just to go punch a punching bag in my garage, And so I punched a punching bag when I was angry at stuff, which is not a good thing to do if you want to grow up and never punch anything. So, anyways, we, we had this fight club and I fought and, like 10 other guys, fought, a big circle, The dudes. If you got to the edge of the circle they'd push you back in. And it was just this, this crazy thing.

I'm not promoting, I'm not suggesting.

You should not do that. It was a fulfillment of a lifelong dream for me, from when I was 11 years old and saw that movie that my parents never should have let me watch. It's called Fight Club And I learned the rule: You don't talk about Fight Club. And so the next day at school, people, like they didn't have blood on their shirt, but someone had a busted eye, Someone had a broken nose, Another person had their, their lip was fat and walking around and the girls were like "What, what happened to you guys" And all the dudes were like "Fell off my bunk bed".

And it- it was just this cool masculine thing that dudes will understand, girls think is toxic.

And, I was thinking about that this week when I was thinking about how couples fight, because the way we go about it is you enter into a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, You're married, You're becoming one flesh. It's not just iron, sharpening iron, like you, to me It is. It is this like rigorous, arduous process whereby one person who's independent and another person who's independent. They come together and they're made into one flesh.

And I don't know if you were sold this bad bill of goods like me or if you just lived in this cultural ethos of expectation that my spouse would be the one who was going to be better than everybody else and we would never get into a fight.

But I was sold that bad bill and I got into my relationship with my wife and I realized that the person that I loved most before her were like my family members. And I don't know about you, but I fought with my family members. I think there's some weird connection between the more you love somebody, the more emotionally invested you are into the success of that relationship. And so there there are moments.

You might not call it fighting, maybe it's frustration, argument, just light annoyance.

You call it what you want to. It's a fight, And many of us are walking around this, this world, fighting with our significant other, as is natural, Not always healthy, but it can be healthy if you do it the way God calls you to. But most people are walking around because they think it's got to be perfect. I learned when I was in Spain the first time- I don't know if it was the first time, but it was the first time.

I remember fighting, like while we were walking down the cool cobblestone looking streets in Alakante, Spain.

You had been gone for 4 months and I guess you've been doing too much salsa dancing on the weekends. And I got there and I was- I'm just kidding, She did do that- and there was this guy that was like turning you around. I thought who's this dude? But she was clean about it.

And anyways, we're talking about something and we're arguing.

And it was a perfect time to argue in public because it was during siesta. Everybody was sleeping. But then I saw someone coming down the street who should have been sleeping, but they weren't And we were arguing. I said "Not in public".

Most of you who are married have learned the art of that phrase.

Not, not in public. We're, we're all together if we're married in this club. Like you, fight with your spouse. It might be healthy, might be unhealthy.

I fight with my spouse, others fight with theirs.

There's a small population of people who their personalities and upbringing have made it to where they're. They both come together and they don't argue. But that's a small portion of the population. Most of us, we fight.

The question is whether it's going to be the right way or the wrong way, But we're all in the club and we don't talk about it, but we should.

You don't have to air out all your dirty laundry, like I do, from the stage half the time, but you need to recognize that what you're dealing with is shared by many of the people in this room, And so my sermon title for today we're going to be in Ephesians, chapter 6. If you want to turn there, it's a very simple title. I hope you'll remember the title. We have to talk about Fight Club.

We have to because I'm tired of seeing people post on Instagram their little Starbucks drinks that they got- and you know they just got out of.

Some of them just got out of a fight and they went to Starbucks so they could just post publicly to tell themselves internally that they feel better about the relationship than they actually do because the fight didn't go the way that it should have, or because one person will won't relent and the other one is frustrated about it, or one person continues contin to attack and the other one is depressed about it. We, We got to stop hiding that stuff, Otherwise you'll end up like some of the people in this room did, who they get to 21 years old, about to graduate college, and then they hear from their mom or their dad that they're getting a divorce. It's like: where did that come from? They didn't fight right And then they found another reason to stay together And then, when that reason was gone, the marriage split.

No, you can't avoid the tension in your relationship And you can't be overly aggressive in a way that pummeles the other person.

You got to fight right. Let me give you my big idea before we jump into the text. Marriage comes with fighting. It does.

You can say what you want.

You can argue with me, You can leave the church, You can do what Marriage comes with fighting. Guys, Call it what you want. I had someone say, when I told them my kid was annoying, they say, "Ah, maybe he's like a trial". I said: "No, he's annoying".

So oh, you just had a little spit or a spat or whatever they call those stupid phrases, Just had a little tiff.

No, I had a fight, And for years. When I say I fought with my wife about something, this week people like "You really should get your relationship checked out" And I'm like, "But you don't know how we fight though", And sometimes it's bad, It's not good, but we're learning, We're growing closer to Jesus, And what we've learned is that marriage comes with fighting. But if you learn to fight from the Lord, you'll do it right. So learn to fight and marriage will be more effective for you.

I'm going to jump right into the text: Ephesians, chapter 6: es, 10 and 11.

He says this: This is Paul writing to people in Ephesus, right after chapter 5, where he talked about husbands sacrificing themselves for their wife and wives respecting their husbands, and that that was kind of the metaphor or embodiment of what Christ did for us. Right Right after he gives practical advice about how to be married, he jumps in with this conversation about the armor of God, And so this message really has two layers. The first layer is cosmic and spiritual. The second layer is very practical.

So this week we're going to talk about the practical, And I hope it'll be really helpful for everyone in this room.

Next week we'll talk about the cosmic and the spiritual. We'll just call it fight club part two. Next week He says this: finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Now let me be clear: Whose mighty power, Yours or.

His mighty power, Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

Point one: you cannot win this fight alone. You can go to the counselor- Helpful Some counselors. I'm going be honest with you. I'm going be honest with you, sweetie.

Some counselors, some of them.

I heard stuff you got. You got to get in your field and start talking to some of these people about the advice they've been giving to people. They're sitting there thinking someone should get divorced because they got divorced and then they're giving that advice from their counseling seat as an authoritative position, in an authoritative position, Telling people that some something that's cultural and personal and emotional, rather than biblical and actually spiritual. That's not cool for me, But counseling is actually very helpful.

Again, like I said, with the right person you can.

You can pull up your bootstraps and get it done. Diligence is really important in your marriage. Sometimes you just got to grit your teeth and move through a difficult season. These are all good, but if you try to do all of that alone, the best you'll get is at his foottool.

So you need God in order to make something miraculous out of what he's trying to put together, that most of us screw up constantly.

You need God. You cannot win this fight alone. First, because it's not against flesh and blood. Second, because it's hard to be married.

It's beautiful, heavenly, but hard.

And Paul jumps in at verse 12. He says this: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms". So I want you to look at your spouse, or just the person next to you, and I want you to give my second point: Your spouse is not the enemy. Say "You're not the enemy".

Not good enough.

I'm not happy with that. I'm not thrilled about that. We're supposed to go out here sheep amongst wolves, in a culture that tells us that divorce is an easier option than staying in a marriage. But God calls us to do the exact opposite of what the world tells us to do, And we're going to sit in here like "You're not the enemy".

No, Tell them again to say you're not the enemy.

Look him in the eyeballs to say it All right, it's getting a little bit better, It's getting a little bit better. I, I don't know what it is that you can go to a football game, a hockey game, a concert and do all this other stuff way better than you do it in church, when God gave you a command to do something- And I'm just encouraging you to say it out loud so that it sticks a little deeper into your soul- Your spouse is not the enemy, I, I, But, pastor, they, they, they said something mean. GET OVER IT. THEY'RE NOT THE ENEMY.

Like we live in a fallen, cursed world.

Ever since Adam and Eve ate from the fruit of the tree that they never should have eaten from, since they hid behind bushes from the creator, God, who knew exactly where they were the entire time and what they had done, We are stuck in sin And there's an enemy roaming around seeking to steal, kill and destroy, And he doesn't want to just destroy you, He wants to destroy your spouse, And so one of the ways that he does it is he invests into them in such a way that some of the stuffs that they say to you: yeah, they made the choice to do it, but deep down it comes from sin, It comes from a broken world and it comes from an enemy that is not them. Your spouse is not the enemy. But they cheated on me. They are not the enemy.

This is why Jesus can hang on a cross and say "Forgive them".

They know not what they do while they're stealing his clothes and dividing them amongst themselves. Right after they put him on a cross, stabbed nails in his hands and nail in his feet, Right after he carried that cross up Calvary, while people were shouting at him and saying profanities and negative things, he knew that they were not at war against flesh and blood, but at war against rulers, principalities, cosmic powers that are working behind what you currently see- And you might see a spouse who's doing wrong- but behind that spouse who's doing wrong is a mentality that stems from an enemy you don't presently see. They are not the enemy. You've got to get that, because if you think they're the enemy, then you're not going to be able to put the armor of God on in the proper way.

You're not going to sharpen them like iron sharpens iron- if you see them as the enemy.

Your spouse is not the enemy. And then Paul jumps in and he starts getting really practical. So he says: "Therefore, put on the full armor of God so that, when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand". Often when repetition happens in Scripture, it's really important for us to cling to that repetition, because that's the point.

And so what I want to do is I want to take this out of just the general spiritual realm and I want to bring it into your relationships.

And I want your marriage to stand. Maybe you're not married yet. I want your marriage in the future to stand. You're married right now, doing well.

I still want it to stand.

There are some practical application points I'm going to give you today. Maybe you're struggling and ready to get out of your marriage. I want your marriage to stand. God wants your marriage to stand.

Maybe you've been divorced and you're not presently in a marriage.

What Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, hey, don't seek to get out of your current position, because you can seek the Lord right now, Regardless of that, and it's time for you to stand in the general sense against the lies of the enemy, regardless of where you are. I want to talk to you about how to stand, but, more specifically, a marriage that stands. And because it's Father's Day, I gave you bullet points. I didn't hear any men say "Amen".

I heard one person say "Heck, yeah, and I appreciate it".

The rest of you, men- I'm not calling you stupid, but you don't like long words. When you see a long text from your spouse- like I'm a bullet texter- like the ladies get really frustrated whenever I text them in bullet points. I say the ladies not in that sense. You know what I'm talking about.

Just like anytime I text a girl, I have, like you, got to wait for like 30 seconds until I get all six text messages out.

When my wife texts me, it's a book And I'm like I ain't got time to read that book. I'm not. And she's like: did you read my text? I'm like I thought about it.

This is so long.

So for men today, fathers, I gave you bullet points, So write this stuff down or screenshot it or whatever you're technically capable of doing, But remember this stuff because it'll help you. I want to give you bullets about a marriage that stands, And we're going to dive right in Verse 14, the first portion, Paul says: "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist". I want to give you an image Now. The belt is regarding the armor of God.

It's important that that that you have a belt, because the lower armor and the upper armor connect at that central point.

That's why you wear a belt, So it connects. But I want to give you a better image that you guys are going to remember really effectively, Cuz y'all remember when David put on Saul's armor, It was too big for him and it didn't work for him. What's happening is, when we put on the armor of God, there's a level where we're leaning into what God's called us to, but we have not fully obtained it, And so we're trying to understand this. The armor of God can seem extremely big begin, So we get intimidated.

Then we don't like assemble it properly, And what I want to tell you is: many times you're walking through the world without the belt of truth that holds everything together.

You're walking around content in lying, content in just subtle non-truths. What Paul says here is that it's a belt of truth that's going to hold everything together. Your marriage cannot stand on lies. Let me say it more directly to the men and the women in this room.

If you're in a relationship and you're keeping things from the other person, stop.

Yes, be tactful about how you approach it. Yes, maybe you need to go to a wise source and they can help you write up some disclosure statements so that you present it the proper way. Maybe you need to workshop some of your statements on chat. GBT 100%.

You need to be on your knees in prayer as you are prepping with how to tell the truths that you've been lying about.

But a marriage cannot stand without truth. It's just like Adam and Eve in the garden hiding behind bushes, thinking they're going to hide from God on high. And you, you got to. You got to gird all of your armor together with truth.

Here's the truth: Jesus.

He says: "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me". You've got to begin with Jesus. Now, what does Jesus call us to be?

He calls us to operate in a way that we become holy, We're sanctified by following him daily.

And as you follow him daily, he calls you into a life of constant truth and authenticity. Now, if you're in a relationship and you got these things that you've been hiding because you think it's going to hurt the other person. I can promise you it's hurting your marriage already. And you might think, "But if I tell the truth they're going to lead me".

I'll tell you this: the truth will either set you free or it'll set them free, but it's still the truth and it's still going to be valuable, Because right now you're keeping that person- you're scared to tell the truth- in prison because there's something inauthentic about you and your relationship and they can't quite put a finger on it because they have no clue what's going on in here.

Be honest, Be honest, Be tactful, but be honest. Present it over time if it's a lot of things, but you have got to be honest. Guard yourself with the belt of truth, And if you're going to put that on, then what it means is like [groaning]. Even when it gets hard- and there are things in your past that are difficult.

Even if you're presently doing something that you're scared to tell your spouse about, there is something liberating that's going to happen when you disclose it.

It may not be a fun result for you, but living truthfully in alignment with your values is going to be the best option for you to have a lasting marriage that stands. Be honest, Oh well, I don't even remember the Scripture, but somewhere it says: God doesn't like liars. I don't know I, I stop lying. Oh, Oh, it takes me, Oh, it makes me feel I mean, dude, gives me the ick.

Liars I, I don't like it.

Tell the truth, Stop hiding. Put on the belt of truth, Start with Jesus, and he'll enable you to do it in a way that's wise. The next portion: in verse 14, he not only says: to put on the belt of truth around your waist, but with the breastplate of righteousness in place. Now let me, let me break this down very clearly: for you, The breastplate of righteousness is not your righteousness.

Your righteousness, according to Paul, is but filthy rags.

You're not righteous. Christ, who died on the cross for you and is seated at the right hand of the father and intercedes for you, He's righteous. His faithfulness is what enables you to spend eternity with God. And Paul says: to put on the breastplate of righteousness.

It's not your own righteousness, It's Christ's righteousness.

What does that mean? It means that it means when the enemy is coming against you. It means when you're fighting against your spouse. It means when you're in a little argument.

It means when you're frustrated or anything is occurring, you need to grab the remembrance or the breastplate of Christ's righteousness so that it would protect.

Here's what this does: The breastplate protects your vital organs. So a lot of you- your husband or your wife- said something to you that hurt your feelings. But if you put on the breastplate of righteousness, it starts to recolor that statement that they made to you. Why?

Because you knew you were trash.

But praise be to God that he died for us ungodly, harsh, unintelligent, dumb, ignorant people. Praise be to God that he took foolish people in order to shame the wise and he built us up into a poem, a workmanship, a miracle that is capable of doing immeasurably more than we ever thought we could do by the spirit of God. Yeah, I knew I was trash. So when Satan comes to attack me, when my wife- which you don't do it often- I can remember she's not my enemy.

Also, breastplate of righteousness: My heart's still guarded because it's his righteousness that covers me anyways.

Praise be to God that murderers and mansplainers can make it into the kingdom of God. Praise be to God that I'm covered. That's what the breastplate of righteousness is. It's remembering that, even when someone says something negative about you, even when you did something you shouldn't have, even when they did something that harmed you or hurt you, you're still covered and protected at the most vital spaces, because his righteousness to die on the cross and raise again to validate it gives you life abundantly and eternally, regardless of what anyone else does.

What can man do to me?

What can my wife do to me? Nothing, when I've got on his righteousness. It's a beautiful thing to put on the breastplate of righteousness. You got to tell the truth and stop hiding.

Then you got to guard your heart.

In verse 15, he says this: with your feet fitted, with the readiness that comes from the Gospel of peace, The Gospel of peace. Now, if you don't know what Gospel means, it's good news. So we say good news. The good news of the Gospel is the good news that Jesus came, died and rose again.

And now that I've received that information, that inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and I'm sealed for all of eternity by the power of his Holy Spirit, I get to go share that with other people.

In the Old Testament, God commanded his people to restore shalom, or peace, wherever they went. In the New Testament, we're called to put on the Gospel of feet. Paul says in Romans: "Beautiful are the feet of those who bring the good news". Paul says that there is a peace that surpasses all understanding, that guards our hearts in Christ Jesus.

So we're called, regardless of what your spouse does, We're called to bring the peace.

And military terminology: they're putting on shoes that protect their feet. You want to protect your feet, bring the peace. You want to protect your marriage, bring the peace. There's an old book- I think the couple got cancelled because it said something biblical in it or something like that.

But it's called Love and Respect.

And what they said is: the one who sees themsself as the most mature is the one who is going to turn toward and break the crazy cycle. Here's what that looks like: When you're in an argument, at some point you should turn to God. And when you turn to God, maybe you're reciting Scripture, maybe you're praying, maybe you're thinking on something he did for you. You know like dying on the cross saying "Forgive them, They know not what they do".

You reflect and meditate on that.

All of a sudden, the God of peace is with you. And then you look at your spouse, who might still be yelling at you and you're like "I'm sorry for what I did, I love you and I care more about you than I do about whatever we're fighting about". But that's not all you have to say. You got to live in that peace for a second.

How many of y'all know you got to live in that peace for a second.

Before the argument's done, You can't just say and say "I apologized". Dude, I've seen too many men, too many women like "Well, I did what I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO". ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DO IT MORE. BRING THE PEACE MORE.

Christ sent some, sent some animals.

He cut them apart in order to clothe Adam and Eve with skin. Then he sent Revelation to Abraham in the form of a promise. Then he sent tablets to Moses, which he broke. And guess what he did?

He brought the peace again, Said these are the commands, And then he gave him a lot of disclosure.

That's why you have Leviticus, Deuteronomy and Numbers, not just the ten commandments in that one small part of Exodus. Then he sent prophets and then he sent his son. Oh, but I brought the peace because I said: sorry, Now keep bringing it. This is what Jesus does.

The Gospel is this: that God loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever may believe in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

So if you're going to bring that peace into this marriage, it means you're going to keep doing the same thing that he did: Bear your cross: Bring the peace. In verse 16, he continues: "In addition to this, take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one". And so if you, if you look back into Roman specifically, Greeks had it differently than Romans. So in Roman military, they had taller, broader shields, And what they would do is they do two things: They would lift it up and it would cover their entire body, cuz they were shorter than us back in the day, right, So it would cover their entire body and when they would shoot arrows, it would block it.

You know, what would also occur is they would put those shields next to another person on their right and on their left, and the person behind them would lift up their shield and it would cover their head.

And so they would do those two things. They would hold the shield to protect themselves, but then they would have a community of people who came together as a shield wall that would protect them from the arrows. And so what do you have to do in order to deflect the strays in your relationship? You not only have to have faith, you have to have a community of faith.

Let's talk about faith Like.

What's your faith look like? What's your faith look like That when your wife or your husband says something to you that you don't feel good about, that you got to immediately get up there and go on the offensive and say something about them. Why you can't? Why can't you just remember what your faith is supposed to look like?

The Bible says that anyone who confesses with their mouth that Jesus is Lord and believes in their heart that God raised him from the dead can be saved.

That's what a lot of us believe faith to be, and I think it's true. That's what seals you into eternity, That's what blesses you, That's what enables him to send his son or his spirit down into you and radically start shifting your disposition. But then in our faith, we are called to continue pursuing Jesus. So when my wife says something I don't like to me, I lift up the shield of faith.

I say: you know what I believe in Jesus.

He'll do immeasurably more than I can ask, think or imagine He's capable of doing greater things through me. Not only is it going to give me peace right now, but even this person that I'm seeing saying this thing to me, that I'm not completely familiar with because this person's very emotional, you know what I'm going to believe for them when they're not operating within their calling, And you know what I'm going to believe in Jesus, so much that I'm going to take correction from him and I'm going to start looking inward. I got the shield up. It's deflecting the arrows that are coming from elsewhere, But I'm going to be like: "What did I say?

What did I do".

Faith causes you to start radically adjusting. We say faith of a mustard seed moves mountains, and we always think about moving mountains. Your stubbornness is a mountain and God can help you move it as you pursue him. So lift up the shield of faith.

It went before you anyways.

Christ Jesus showed us how to do it. We have an example, So raise it up and it'll bless your marriage and enable you to stand. If you want to deflect the stray, stop listening to culture and start pursuing Jesus. If you want an example of what it looks like, not only look to Jesus, but look at Hebrews, chapter 11.

It tells you like 50 million examples of what faith can look like.

Just believe that if he called you into this relationship, then he's got something for you in the midst of this fight. The next one: take the helmet of salvation, Verse 17, . The helmet of salvation. I thought long and hard on this one, because it's a helmet.

Salvation, Okay, So it protects my brain, my mind.

The helmet of salvation, Why, Why salvation? And I realized- and this is why we differ than some churches you may have been a part of. I believe in the security of someone who has truly confessed that Jesus is Lord. I believe that when we're saved and trust in him, he places his spirit in us And that Holy Spirit doesn't leave just because we did something wrong that day.

I believe what Romans 8 says is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, For the law of the spirit has set us free from the law of sin and death.

I believe we're being convicted, compelled, pushed forward and moved, adjusted constantly by the power of the Holy Spirit, And I believe I'm going to spend eternity with God one day, not because of my own righteousness, but because of his righteousness, the breastplate that I put on every single day, And so I'm securing my salvation. Pragmatically, what that means is that if you know you're, you know you're going to heaven. If you know you've been bought with a price, if you know that God knew all your trash and died for you anyways and still called you to follow him and still gave you all of the life that you get to experience right now. If you know God brought you into this relationship with your spouse, and if you know God's going to make your life abundant and do immeasurably more.

That brings confidence and security, But most of us be operating in insecurity.

You want to kill your relationship. You want your marriage to be flaky. You want someone to leave you. You want to leave that person Be insecure.

Don't put on your helmet of salvation.

The helmet of salvation reminds me that even when this person's talking mess, even when the in-laws are talking mess, even when I'm not doing super well, I can remind myself that his grace is sufficient for me. In the season of my weakness, I can know that God is for me, not against me, That he has called me to be conformed to the image of his son. I am secure in not just eternity, but in my calling. And so what do I get to do?

Keep beating me over the head with your frustrations.

I want to learn and I want to grow from them, But they're not going to radically affect my posture toward God and toward you, Because when someone makes me insecure, or when I get insecure cuz someone says something, then I start going to them as if I'm trying to gain some kind of security. It's like I'm walking around like with handcuffs on and I'm like: "You got the key. You got the key. You got the key.

Can you let me out?

Can you let me out? Can you help me feel better? Can you make me a better person? Can you do all the things that no one else ever was able to do for me except for Jesus?

But since I married you, you need to do it for me, Can you?

Can you help me? Can you make me what God can make me? That's insecurity. Insecurity is going to your spouse and expecting them to operate like God can operate.

They can't.

But when I go to God and I put on the helmet of salvation and recognize that my sin is so far as the east is from the west that he's not worried about it, so I'm not worried about it. So when I approach my spouse, I don't go to them with insecurity about what they think, about what anybody else thinks about, what our friends think about what mommy told me that I needed to do in my relationship, even though she's had three and none of them worked out. No, I get to go to my creator And what does he tell me? He says: "It's not about what you glean from them, It's about what you provide, It's about the love that you give".

This is a metaphor, a covenant that embodies what my son did for you.

So do that for them, regardless. And when you put on the helmet of salvation and you find that security, you approach everything boldly. They get: okay, they, they're going to leave you. That's horrible.

It's terrible.

I want your marriage to stand and I want it to work out. You still got salvation. Okay, they cheated on you. That's horrible, That's terrible.

And as you talk through it, maybe there's a way for you to keep it together and figure it out with that person.

But regardless, I've got salvation. His grace is sufficient. Oh, they talk mess about me. THEY WON'T GET A JOB.

I'M LIKE THEIR MOTHER.

I'm like their father. THEY CAN'T FIGURE LIFE OUT. THEY'RE NOT intellectual like me, They're not emotionally intelligent. Salvation is still prevalent in your life if you put on the helmet, So don't don't make them your watchguard or bodyguard.

Let Christ guard you and put on his armor.

And finally he says "The sword of the spirit", which is the word of God, and pray in the spirit on all occasions, with all kinds of prayers and requests. A marriage that stands is going to tell the truth without hiding. They're going to put on the breastplate of righteousness, guard their hearts. They're going to bring the peace.

They're going to deflect the strays.

They're going to remain secure And they're going to fight with the sword of the spirit, with God's word and prayer. It's the only offensive weapon. It's the only weapon You can use. A shield, I know, I know, But it's like the only offensive weapon that God talks about here through Paul, And- and he, he even gives clarity to it.

It's not you swinging it around, It's like in the name it, by the spirit.

I GOT THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT. You figure this stuff out in Jesus's name. Demon, come out of her. No, you're not just waving this sword of the spirit, trying to trying to get something done in your relationship.

You're not just taking God's word and throwing it at a person.

No, you are praying, You're fighting with God's word, You're fighting on your knees in prayer, and then God does what he does. The sword is. It's weird because you're not just swinging it, You're allowing God to do what only he can do: Just the words of God from his Scriptures, and then your words to God in prayer. And if you want your marriage to stand, this is how you have to fight.

You have to fight healthy.

We're all in it, But the reason it's in a trash state right now is because we're fighting wrong, without God in our midst. If you want a miracle in your marriage, if you want God to do something mighty, if you want to develop your relationship, the lovely he's called you to, if you want your marriage to stand, you've got to fight with God's word. God's word, God's word's going to keep you sane if you're single until you find the right person. God's word is going to keep you sane when the person you find doesn't seem like the right person anymore.

God's word is going to keep you sane when nobody else understands what you're dealing with.

God's word will keep you sane when you don't feel loved by that person. It'll help you marry that girl you've been sleeping with or living with. It'll help you go live with your parents when he won't ask you to marry him. It'll help you stay in the house when your spouse ticked you off.

It's going to help you forgive them when they walked out for more than a day or two.

It's God's word. It's the sword of the spirit that has the capacity to convict and restore. We don't have that capacity And this is, this is the tool he gives us to fight with. He gives us armor to stand up against the arrows and the lies of the enemy, But he gives us the sword of the Holy Spirit: prayer, petition and reading of the Scriptures.

These tools are not meant to help you win an argument.

These tools, these tools are meant to help you grow closer to God, . They're meant to set you up and to curate an environment where you can stand firm in your marriage in the midst of any type of suffering and misfortune, cuz it's going to happen and you're going to fight, But if you can remember that your fight requires the armor of God, because your fight isn't with your spouse but it's against kingdoms and principalities and authorities that are working in them and through them in ways that we can't fathom. And, by the way, the same thing is happening with you. If you can do that, your marriage, I think I you'll stand, It'll work it, it'll do what it's supposed to.

So I want to give you my second big idea.

It's similar to the first one, but I knew y'all didn't take notes, so I'll give you another one. If you fight the real enemy with the whole armor of God, your marriage will take [singing] new ground. You've been trying to, you've been trying to do the marriage without God. It's just not going to work for you.

You're going to find fall into superficialities.

You're going to fall into keeping up with the Joneses. You're going to fall into hobbies that aren't healthy. You're going to fall into habits that are helpful. You're going to fall into friendships that are stressful.

You're going to fall into job decisions that are the worst thing you could do.

You're going to fall into so much crap if you leave God out of the equation And you're still going to go through a lot of it with God at the center. But it feels way different, I feel way better about it. And so for anyone in here, you're not operating in life or in marriage with God at the center. I want to encourage you right now to receive that challenge and start leaning into it the moment your feet hit the ground and you start walking out of here.

Can I pray for you real quick, Father God, I thank you for today.

I thank you for every person in this room. God, I pray that they would put on your armor, but required for that armor is a relationship with you. So I pray that, just like the Scriptures say, many people in this room would confess with their mouths that you are Lord, that they would believe in their heart that you raised Jesus from the dead so that they would be saved. It's that simple.

Then you send your spirit and then you help them change every aspect of their life And then the full armor of God starts to fit and feel right.

God, I pray for everyone in this room that they would be able to step into that type of elevated life. I pray that those who are struggling in marriage right now that they would seek you rather than blaming the other person. God, we love you and we trust you. It's in Jesus's name that we pray, and God's people said "Amen".

And I want to say one more thing, and then I'm going to give you some logistics about all the ribs we got And, just in case, cuz I didn't hear, the joke said, we're giving y'all ribs today because father's Adam gave Eve a rib and, he, they screwed that up.

So we're giving you two ribs today, so on your way out you can grab a rib. There's some tables out there you can eat. I want to strongly encourage you, like Andre said, that they came here kind of last minute [singing]. They made 35 racks of rib ribs for us, but they've also got a whole menu they put together, and when people come out here, they're coming out here with the hopes that that God would bless them financially.

So I [singing] want to make sure that everyone who has capacity, make sure you grab something in addition to the ribs.

Honor them for coming out here and serving us. Does that make sense? Give me a thumbs up. Last thing I'm going to say: we got one more week, like I'm going to call Fight Club part two, and it's going to be a good one.

Make sure you join us for that.

Then we're going to dive into a miracle series, But I'm just going to say this: Stop jacking around with your marriage. It's not going to get better on its own. Stop jacking around in your relationship with God, because he's the only one who will help you get there. It doesn't magically occur.

Counselor's not going to solve it.

Well, Melissa's the wonderful, merciful one. You know what I'm talking. Whatever Dad joke mode today, Guys, if you're a wife in the room, look at your husband as if God called him to marry you and start shifting that disposition you have toward him, even when he's acting like a punk Husbands. They may not understand you.

Stop looking at them like they're supposed to And when they're acting like a punk punk, like come on, get it together.

God called you to them, so love them the way that God loved you And if he doesn't let you go, don't let them go. Amen, All right, let's make this happen, cuz God's called us to do it. Let's stop treating God's word like it's an option. This is a calling and a lot of this is commanded, but our culture says it's optional.

I'm tired of that.

Anyways, I'm being too intense for the end of it. Father God, we thank you again. Bless us as we eat ribs. Let it always be a metaphor for how we're called to treat our wife.

Give them double what we could you know?