Living Like You Are Single

Oh, y'all did a mashup and everything. Look at y'all Proud of you. Good job America. Anna, Josh, Genesis, Elvis- Y'all.

Follow these people on Instagram.

Make them famous- Not too famous, though I don't want them to leave. You know I'm kidding. You know what? Whatever the Lord gives you?

Just, I'm so proud of our worship team.

Most of them started from scratch. I think hadn't done anything before we started this- And it's super cool to see what God can do with just a little bit of obedience. What does it say? A mustard seed- faith of a mustard seed- can move mountains.

That's what the Bible says.

I'm not making this stuff up, It's what the Bible says. And it's so interesting because a little bit of obedience over a longer period of time will help you see so many dividends. God will do so much in your life, And I'm excited because we're starting a marriage series. Today It's called marriage conversations.

Last week I talked about the importance of marriage as a covenant that God initiated, this covenant between man and wife that man would leave their father and their mother and be wed, connected to, joined to their wife.

This is the way that God set it up And what? What I title it? I titled it. Don't mess with God's design, And if you were here, I hope it was encouraging to you.

Clear, a little bit of directness, but get used to it, because that's the series we're stepping into right now.

We believe so much in the reality that God brought you and your spouse together and, for those of you single in the room, that if God has it for you, you and your future person, that that God is ordaining that, that we're going to talk about marriage for the next four weeks, It's going to be good. I'll give you a caveat up front, though. I'm going to talk about mine too. I want you to know I'm a pastor.

I believe I'm called by God to communicate the good news of Jesus to the people in this room and beyond.

Yet I am not a perfect person. I grew up in a, a world where, when you went to church, there was a little bit of pretense. Now I'm not saying anything negative about the pastors that I sat under, but sometimes I would get this impression from the pastors that they had it all together. Had one pastor say to me: they want their, wanted their daughter to feel like marriage was perfect And I was like.

That felt weird to me as a millennial in my 20s, Just cuz I'd never seen a marriage that was perfect.

Why would you lie to someone like that? And another person say, "My wife and I have argued before, but I never let the congregation know about it", And that felt weird to me. So I might be going the opposite direction in a way that is sometimes uncomfortable, but I'm trying to be authentic and real before you. I am not perfect.

My wife and I we're married.

We have had issues. We still have issues, but we love one another. We're called into this covenant by God and we're believing that God is going to perform miracles continually in our lives as we continue to be faithful to him. But I'm going to be honest with you about some of the stuff that we've dealt with in the past.

I'm telling you that upfront so that you're not surprised when I do it, And I'll tell you she could say different.

She's not going to say different. I think we're doing really well. My wife and I love one another. We've been married 14 years this year, 15.

Like in June.

In June it's 15. Can do math with my fingers- at least 14 years. So we're not pros. Is she still a rose?

That's my last name.

If you don't know that y'all ain't ready for this, Wait till Father's Day. But, guys, I think it'll be helpful for you. I'm sh. I'm going to share vulnerably to you about the reality of marriage because I think it'll be helpful.

But every time I do it, and I'm used to it- at this point someone's going to call me up and say: "Do you guys need to see a counselor" and stuff like that.

I think counseling's great, We probably should see a counselor. But I want you to know God has brought us together and we're not trying to separate that thing. We have a very healthy and growing marriage. I just want you to know that upfront.

I'm excited about where she and I are.

God has brought us together. The way I see marriage is this way: I was running toward God, failing all the time. I mean running toward God doesn't mean you're perfect, or you don't make mistakes. It just means you're, you love him and because he first loved you and you're really kind of attached to him, You've experienced the peace that comes when you trust in him.

You've experienced his love and affection toward you.

You just keep going in that direction. That was me And God was kind enough to me as I was chasing him to send me someone to the side, not someone to- oh, that was a bad way to phrase that. But you know, like to, I looked to my right and my left as I was pursuing Jesus, and she was there, running toward Jesus on her own, and so we decided together to partner as we pursue Jesus. That's what our marriage is.

Our marriage is a partnership where we pursue Jesus together.

She has her journey, I have mine. God's been kind enough to lock those two together, so we walk arm and arm toward our savior. This is not something where I'm dragging her, she's dragging me or she's kicking me or I'm doing anything to force her in this. God lined us up And over 14 years, I see more and more every day how beautiful that covenant is, And had I listened to the world during certain seasons, we wouldn't be celebrating what God did, the way that we are, And so I'm going to share honestly, And if you want to call me up and tell me how bad it is, I'm used to it, But I hope you'll hear what I share and feel connected, because marriage is hard.

Anybody with me, Just a few of you.

I was hoping to get all of you in here. I'm going to give you a reality check. Marriage is hard. I grew up I didn't know marriage was going to be hard until I saw somebody, for counseling, and they were like, "Marriage is hard" And I was like, "Really, Tell me more".

And I looked at this couple who was coaching us and I was like, "Are y'all good".

And then I got married and I realized how grateful I was that somebody was honest, because I look back to them sometimes like they were good, Which means that when we're going through a hard season on the other side, God's still there trying to lead us toward himself. So there's my without further ado moment. Call me up, Tell me how I can grow. Call me up, Tell me how God grew you through it.

But I'm going to be honest with you.

And there's that We're going to be in 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, today. But I want to introduce this topic by kind of giving you the tail end of last week's text. Last week we were in Matthew, chapter 19, where Jesus makes a pretty intense statement on marriage. He says: "What God put together, let not man or let no one separate".

And later on, in verse 10, the disciples look at Jesus's standard for marriage, which is higher than any grouping at in that day and age.

Like he, he had a high standard. There's like one exception, potentially, that he leaves in the in his statements to them about divorce. And so the disciples ask him. They say in verse 10, if this is a situation between a husband and wife, it's better not to marry.

And Jesus replies: "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given, for there are unics".

Unix are people, who have been neutered, fixed. They can't have kids, they can't have, intimacy in that way, For there are Unix who were born that way. There are Unix who have been made Unix by others, And there are those who choose to live like uni. Unix for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

The one who can accept this should accept it.

And in the context of his discussion on marriage and how important that covenant is to God, he tells the disciples who are like: "Man, that's crazy. You, you can't se, you can't get divorced because she burned my toast, which is what they would do. Like you could divorce someone for burning food in that day and age. I can't divorce him for any and every reason.

And Jesus is like: yeah, not everyone should accept this word except those to whom it's been given.

And he says essentially: some people are. They decide to become unix for the kingdom of heaven because marriage is hard, it's important to God And not everyone is called to it- And I want to be so careful with the way that I say that, because I know our culture. But not everyone is called to it. God intends your marriage to sanctify you, But many of us don't like sanctification, And so we jump into this covenantal relationship between man and woman And we expect them to fulfill for us what only God can fulfill.

And when they don't do that, many of us in our culture, we bail.

And so Jesus is saying here: not everyone should do this. I'm going to say this super clearly: You don't deserve to get married. It's not something you just wake up one day and realize I need love from this other person. It's not for every person.

If it was, everybody would get married, wouldn't they?

And if it, if it was truly for every person, then the divorce rate wouldn't be as high as it is. So many people get into their relationships, and because of selfishness, because they don't follow Jesus, they follow the culture, they allow culture to seep in and cause them to feel a certain way, And then they derail the very thing that God put together. And Jesus says: "It doesn't have to be this way. You don't have to jump into marriage if you can't handle the standard that I'm lifting up.

As I was thinking and praying on that, God brought me to 1 Corinthians, chapter 7.

And I would encourage you to read the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 7. It's a great chapter. Paul goes into a lot of specific detail because the Corinthian church- this is the church that Paul's writing his message to in first Corinthians. He's answering a lot of questions that the Corinthian church has about how God views various things.

But in chapter 7, they asked him some specific questions about marriage.

Now we don't have the questions. We have Paul's response to their questions, And so we can surmise from Paul's response that they were asking about getting married, They were asking about singleness, They were asking about divorce And they were asking about remarage and two people being together in an unequally yolked position. One's a believer in Christ, the other one's not, And I can identify with the Corinthian church. This is a first generation of Christians, at least in this city and they're hearing this stuff about Jesus for the first time, And many of them have been married before they trusted in Jesus, And so they're like, "Paul, what do?

What are we supposed to do".

And in the ancient world, especially in the first century, people genuinely believe Jesus's return would be very swift. And so they're like, "We're married, but Jesus is going to return in a couple months. What, What do we do in this, in this season of our lives". And Paul responds to them.

So go read that chapter.

But I have selected a few passages from this chapter that I think will be helpful for you. And as I jump in, I want to give you my sermon title: Living like you're single. Living like you were single. Paul's pushing for an undivided devotion from the Corinthian church to God, And he recognizes that tons of things come in between us and God.

They distract us and they keep us from living within our calling.

So Paul is going to be building an argument through 1 Corinthians 7 to help these people understand that, regardless of whether we're talking divorce, remarage, circumcision, uncircumcision, in fact any topic undergurting every question they could ask is this need to remain in the calling that God has placed you in Now. The Greek word for remain is manet. I'll give you a really good biblical example of manet in John, chapter 15. Jesus is talking to his disciples as he's headed toward the cross and he says: remain.

Or he says, I am the vine and you are the branches.

He then tells them: remain in me and I will remain in you. The word for remain, some of your translations say abide. That's the Greek word man, The, the idea that Paul's getting at, the idea that Jesus is getting at and the big idea which I have- a bigger one later, a longer one later. But if you're going to get anything from this message today, it is this: The Greek word man, our word remain or abide, or stay or stick around or hang out with Jesus.

The idea that Paul is trying to get across is that, regardless of anything else that you might have to decide on, the first and foremost of your decisions needs to be to devote yourself in an undivided fashion to God, Him only.

I almost called this single-minded, but I didn't want y'all to get the wrong impression. He wants us to be fully focused on God, And if you're not fully focused on God, everything else pans out the wrong way. If you're not fully focused on God, your parenting is not as good. If you're not fully focused on God, your husbanding or wifeing is not as good.

If you are not revolving every aspect of your life around Jesus and seeking him first and his kingdom and righteousness, then it's you adding things to your life and not God.

And because we have failed to understand what undergurs all of, or should undergard all of our decisions, we find ourselves in difficult positions. And so first Corinthians Paul jumps in. I'll start in verse 8. He says this Now to the unmarried and the widows: I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

Now I'm not going to get into Paul's relationship status, whether he was widow, a widowerower or not.

A lot of scholars have a lot of things to say on that. I'm not going to get into that. But what I will get into is this statement that he makes. He says it's good for them to stay unmarried if they're currently unmarried.

Now the word for stay there is manet.

He's talking to a group of people who are unmarried- Maybe they're widowers- And he says: "It's good for you to be single". Now I talked to these young adults here. Tell you what Paul said: It's good for you to remain single. Not me, Paul.

That's what he says.

He says in verse 9, : "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, For it is better to marry than to burn with passion". A lot of people want to start with that. It's like, "Yeah well, I lust after my girlfriend, so it's time for us to get married". It's like, "No, you need to seek Jesus and figure that stuff out.

But yeah, marriage is not a bad thing.

Paul is not saying marriage is a bad thing. Paul's actually saying something much more deep and fundamental. He's saying: wherever you are right now, Jesus is accessible. If you're unmarried or single, that's okay.

Jesus is still accessible.

If you're married and thriving in your relationship, praise God. And Jesus is accessible. If you're not happy in your marriage right now and it's a struggle bus to interact between you and your spouse, that's unfortunate- Jesus is still accessible. The argument Paul is making here is that you should not seek to be in a different position than you are.

You should seek Jesus, the only one who can put you in the position where you're exalted, rather than constantly humiliated.

A lot of people go from person to person to person trying to find the right one. How'd that work for you? I've learned, and many have learned, that when they seek Jesus first, he actually provides what they need. Had I done, done that method for much longer, I would have been in trouble, The type of person I was searching for.

Had I received that person, God could have redeemed it.

But I'm just going to tell you been a lot of pain and suffering, But praise be to God that for some reason he was kind enough to lead me to repentance and continued to guide me in the paths of righteousness So that, as he fulfilled me, eventually I saw her. My wife, she knows this. So I'm going to tell you she wasn't what I was searching for at the time. God had to change my heart and my mind about a lot of things And when he did, she was right there, to my right, in Books a Million- That still exists.

Books a million?

Nope, I guess not. I don't know. I'm surprised it does. If it does.

And he goes further.

He says to the married in verse 10, : "I give this command, not I, but the Lord. A wife must not separate from her husband, but if she does, she must remain mane unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband, And a husband must not divorce his wife. It's even talks to wives and husbands in this moment. And you see he doesn't give a list of exceptions.

He simply says: remain as you are If you're married, remain married, Don't seek to be unmarried.

He's telling people who are probably unequally yolked- They are in marriages where one person is a believer, the other person's not- And Paul is saying: don't seek to be unmarried from this person. He's going to continue to tell them: stay where you are, Remain man, Because when you stay where you are, it enables you to then seek Jesus where you are, which creates an environment where God can do what only God can do. So don't seek out the next situation, Don't seek out the next person. Seek the person and work of Christ Jesus.

Let's continue.

Verse 17- 21. Paul says: "Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them". He says "Whatever" C Can you look at your neighbor and tell them- cuz I don't know who they are- Say: in whatever situation. And we've been talking about marriage or singleness, but I want to continue here.

He says this: This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.

Was a man already circumcised when he was called, He should not be uncircumcised. I don't know how that would work. Well, just never thought about that until just now. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called?

He should not be circumcised.

Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Check this: Keeping God's commands is what counts. Each person, should man, remain in the situation they were when God called them. And he continues: "Were you a slave when you were called"?

Just want to be clear: Ain't none of y'all, to my knowledge, slaves?

He tells slaves, physical slaves, people who are in a household as slaves. They have no autonomy, no authority, no freedom. He says: "Don't let it worry you or let it trouble you". So he's not just talking about someone who's married or single.

He's talking to people in whatever situation they find themselves in.

Paul knows this, that when I try to get myself into another position, I stink at it. He knows you do the same thing. God knows it, which is why he created a pathway whereby we are exalted rather than humiliated, And that pathway is obedience. That pathway is honoring his commands.

That pathway is seeking him first in his kingdom.

And when we seek him, God brings us along in a triumphal procession and he shifts the atmosphere in our current environment. I'm going to tell you this: If you seek for your own desires, you might get lucky and it won't be as bad as it is for some people, but chances are you're going to live at a lower level of joy than you could if you sought the Lord first. That's why we don't pull punches when it comes to our vision. We think you find peace and develop purpose when you revolve everything around Jesus.

Him first, him first, not second, not third, not last.

Paul jumps forward in verse 24. He says: "Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain man in the situation they were when God called them. Jumping ahead again to 29. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short.

From now on, those who have wives should live as though they do not.

Those who mourn as if they did not, Those who are happy as if they were not, Those who buy something as if it were not theirs. To keep Those who use the things of the world as if not engrossed in them, For this world in its present form is passing away. Jumping again one more time to verse 35. He says: "I am saying this for your own good key phrase, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way, in undivided devotion to the Lord".

So what Paul's saying, and what I'm trying to say with the sermon title and with some of these passages, is that you're called, whether single or married, to live as though you're single.

And when I say single I want to be so abundantly clear: That doesn't mean you're actually single. If you're married, it's not time to go to the club, unless it's a church club, What's up. It's not time to say: "All right, I can live in an open relationship. I have learned over the years the emails I have received if I'm not abundantly clear about certain things.

People have sent me emails and said: God told me in your message to get divorce, and I'm like: no, he did not.

People have said you said this or you justified your sin, or you did this, And I'm like: let me be abundantly clear. I'm saying you need to have a mindset of undivided devotion, which is easier when you're single than it is when you have a spouse and kids and tons of responsibilities. I'll tell single people all the time, especially if they're young adults. I tell them: "Develop a structure of undivided devotion now, because it never gets easier to be devoted to Christ Jesus.

It always continues to get get harder".

Now I'm not saying it hasn't gotten easier in some ways. What I am saying, though, is my responsibility in key areas has increased so much that the struggle to continue that undivided devotion. It definitely doesn't get any easier. When you're single, you don't have a spouse.

When you're single- hopefully like the first time around, right- You're not having, you don't have kids.

Most of you in young adulthood don't even have your big girl, big boy job- yet You don't have the level of responsibility. Develop the discipline Now. If you can develop the discipline now, then when you step into these areas that God may lead you, you're ready to carry the weight at a different level. But if you are married- and I'm not making a difference or delineating between whether you were married in the eyes of God or in the eyes of the church, or in the eyes of the, the culture, or in the eyes of the courthouse- I don't, I don't, really I don't care what you were doing when you got married.

If you got married and you consummated that marriage in the eyes of God, to me you're married And now God's called you to live a life of undivided devotion but you're in a household with another person who may or may not share that same level of devotion as you.

What I want to tell you is: God still called you to live a life of undivided devotion, Even if you're married, even if you got 20 kids. He's called you to seek him first. And what I'll tell you before I give you some practical ways to live an undivided, undividedly devoted life, I think that works. Before I give you those ways, I want to tell you upfront: when you live in undivided devotion to God, all the areas you think that may suffer actually get better.

When I live devoted to Christ, my wife likes me better.

So to my kids, frankly, you do too. Like, honestly, if I go spend an hour a day spending time with God and then I do a meeting with you, and if I cancel a meeting with you because I need to go spend- I haven't done that lately because I need to go spend time with God- I promise you that meeting canceled is well spent. If I'm spending it with God, You will like me better. I will pastor you better.

You will lead your family better.

You will raise your kids better. You will love your wife and your husband better if you spend undivided devotion to God. So I want to give you some really practical ways to live as though you're single, even if you're married- And singles take this too, because you are single, So you better be. You better be hitting these things, Otherwise it's going to be a struggle bus when you get married.

I'm telling you, I've lived it, I've experienced it.

Many people in the room will tell you the same thing: It gets better and better and better, but you're carrying more and more and more, And so start prepping right now. So how to live with undivided devotion to the Lord, whether you're single or you're married. First off, you should leave your spouse and come back. That's up there, right?

Okay, You should leave your spouse and come back.

Just, I got to put the parenthetical in there to be clear. Obviously, I'm not telling you to leave your spouse, but I leave my spouse for a time and I come back. Our goal in the mornings is that we spend time separate with God, because he sustains us. He sustains us.

Your significant other is not going to sustain you.

The person you're searching for is not going to sustain you. It's only Christ who sustains you. So the best thing I can do in the morning is wake up and spend time with my creator, who gives me peace, understanding, sympathy, empathy, all the good stuff He gives me, the fruit of the spirit. This is why Jesus says we got to remain in him.

He says: I am the vine, you are the branches, Which means I don't sustain myself.

They don't sustain me. He does. Unless I'm attached to the vine, I am living a miserable life. So I attach to the vine daily And in order to do that, I go on my journey with Christ Jesus.

We have a shared journey, but I have a personal journey And so I separate from my wife and I always come back.

Some of you need to do like Jesus did when he woke up early in the morning, departed from his disciples and prayed, spent time with God, the Father, and then he came back and he did the ministry. If Jesus had to do it, guys, you got to do it. You got to depart from whoever and spend time with Jesus. Sometimes I'll depart from you for a couple days.

I'll go on my little retreat.

Once or twice a year I'll go on a retreat where I take two to three days, whether it's in the mountains or somewhere random. I try to limit my, my data so that I can spend time with my creator. And- and I'm going to tell you this, it like it, it breaks me before I do it, because I love my, my son, I love my daughter and I love my wife. One of my favorite verses is: it's not good for a man to be alone And praise God, he didn't make me be alone.

It's, it's a good thing for me to be with her, but I know that in order to live an undivided devotion to God, I've got to separate.

So I'll go spend three days with the Lord, And the Lord is so good to me in those days, And my family is grateful because usually I come back and I am. I'm different because God fueled me up And now I'm ready to do the ministry God's called me to do. I'm ready to love my wife in the way he's called me to love her. I'm ready to raise my kids in the way he's called me to raise them.

So I have to separate for time in order to spend time with my creator.

Just, you got to remember, like I know, we're one in Christ Jesus. But it's your journey and their journey And in order to stay aligned. You both have to pursue Christ together. You, you both have to do it.

I think about it this way: like when you become one in Christ, you don't eat one another's food, do you?

You, you don't chew it for your spouse. Just this is a thought. It's like I've never seen that happen. They get married, We're one in Christ.

Now, Here you go.

I chewed it first, You can have the rest of it, But that's how some people try to live their spiritual walk, isn't it? That's how they try to do it. And I just- if it doesn't work that way with physical food, I don't think it works that way with spiritual food- You need to get individual time with Jesus, 100%. You should pray together.

That whole phrase.

Couples that pray together stay together. That is statistically valid. But those who pray together tend to pray separately as well. And when you pray separately it helps you create an environment where that prayer life between you and your spouse is much more effective.

And then you do, you stay together.

Praying together is kind of performative, though if you, if you didn't do it separately, You just- I, I don't know, They're not your prayer closet- Go to your own. Second thing. Stop thinking they protect you from your own disobedience. I hear it all the time.

Another way to phrase it: stop blaming them for your disobedience.

Some, some people say: "Oh yeah, my spouse isn't ready for church. U, it's not their thing yet", And I totally get it. I've lived in a household, growing up, where people didn't go to church and I had to choose to go to church on my own. But I would say this, and you can find this also in 1 Peter, chapter 3.

If you're in a household where the other person isn't ready to be obedient, like you're ready to be obedient, figure out how to be obedient in a way that overflows into your household.

1 Peter, chapter 3, he says: "When you're obedient, it overflows. The other person may be won over by your own obedience to God's commands. Some people you might even be like well established in your faith and God calls you to do something. But if you're married or if you have kids, some of us use our family and our, our spouse as an excuse to not do the very thing God called us to do.

If God called you to go on a mission trip, for example, well, I can't do what God called me to do because I got kids at home: Figure it out.

Praise God that Abraham figured it out when he was called from the Caldes. We don't have the Abrahamic covenant. That shows us that faith in Christ can credit to us righteousness. Unless he was obedient, He had to move 300 plus people with him when he went on his journey, But he was willing to honor and obey God obediently, consistently over time And there was something beautiful about what happened in his life because he was obedient and didn't use Sarah as an excuse or the rest of the family as an excuse.

In fact, later he did, and it was a pretty messed up situation.

But we can go into that some other day. Some people have said: "My, my spouse keeps bringing this stuff, this substance, these people, this mentality into my house". And I was just I. I'm thinking about it.

It's like man, we, we keep blaming the other person when we're the ones called to be obedient And in an ideal world they would be obedient the same way that you're obedient, So long as you're obedient in the right way, you know.

But it's like we tend to blame rather than take ownership of our own faith. Some people will say: , you know they don't want to give. People have said that to me. I'm not telling you got to give.

I'm telling you this is what the Bible says to do, right.

The Bible says to trust him financially with 10 plus% of your income. Based on the Old and the New Testament, That's what the Bible says. So obedience looks like trusting him with the first fruits of our finances. And people will tell me- I'm not even trying to entertain this conversation.

Sometimes in leadership we have to have this conversation, But it's like: well, my spouse isn't ready to give And- and there's a part of me that that struggles with that- because it's like: stop blaming your spouse- who doesn't know Jesus right now- for your lack of obedience in a specific category.

I'll tell you the same thing I tell my kid. I'll say: use your allowance. I- I- I say it so intensely because I've just seen people use their spouse as an excuse to not be obedient to God. They'll say: "Well, my spouse needs me to do this or needs me to do this".

Disobedience is disobedience.

Stop blaming your spouse for it. Take ownership of it. Sit down with your spouse and tell them what obedience looks like for you. Tell them that God is your source.

Tell them how he sustained you and developed you, how he's helped you and what he's going to do to your home when he gets a hold of it.

Cast vision to this person. Some people say, "I like so many different things", And I'm not telling you to get divorced. I don't want you to get divorced. To me, divorce isn't an option.

I think there's a way for you to be obedient in a way that draws your spouse to repentance and better obedience.

Just remember: seek God first and undivided devotion, and he will create the pathway for the thing that you think is impossible. Third, it's your spiritual walk. Don't expect the other person to drive Self, for both singles and for marriage. If you're single, you're trying to find that man or that woman who's going to lead or follow in the right direction.

Right, Look for that person who's going to lead you spiritually.

And then you get married, and then they don't lead you spiritually. Hannah, do I lead you spiritually 100% of the time? You got to say it loud so they can hear, . You hear that I wish I did.

I wish I was better.

There are times in my life where I am not a great spiritual leader. Why? Because I failed, just like every other person, And if we were in a context or a relationship where she expected me to, 100% of the time, be the spiritual leader rather than walking to God on her own, we would be in worse trouble than we currently are in bad situations. What I'm telling you is, man, do not take the spiritual walk that God has called you to and assign that responsibility to your spouse.

I know, in an ideal world, if you're, if you're a wife, your husband should lead you spiritually.

The Bible indicates that he totally should. Didn't work out that way for many people. In an ideal world, your spouse, if you're a husband, they should. They should follow you like that Proverbs 31, woman that everybody likes to talk about.

They should.

That'd be great. But then I'll also tell you this: If they're not leading you spiritually, lead yourself spiritually, And in so doing, you're going to create an environment for them to get to that point one day. Oh, they don't follow you the way that someone's supposed to follow you. Be a better leader, Get your stuff together.

Don't force them to do it.

Don't make your needs their problem, because your needs will never be fulfilled by them in the first place. God has already given you a pathway to have your needs fulfilled. So it's your spiritual walk. Don't force them to drive.

In fact, you can approach God's throne boldly on your own.

But a lot of people say, "I'll approach God's throne, but my husband's not leading me in that direction. I'll approach God's throne, but my wife won't follow me in that direction". Be obedient, undivided devotion. I'm just sorry that was pretty intense.

I'm tired of people living mid-spiritual walks hoping that it'll somehow get better when they meet the person God has for them.

That's, that's. That's the key recipe for you: to be a miserable partner, expecting them to lead you in the thing that you can do on your own. No, God will lead you into paths of righteousness for his name's sake, and not your husband, Though that'd be great. I try to think it'd be beneficial.

But we're not living in an ideal world, are we?

We're living in a broken world. You didn't start out the way that you should have. I didn't start out the way that I should have, And because of that complexity, now we have to look at this and say: I'm going to pursue Jesus wholeheartedly, undividedly, and I'm going to devote myself to him, believing, even when I don't see it, that that is the best pathway for my marital success. Next, they are your ministry, not your Messiah.

People hate it when I say that you're my ministry, Hannah.

They hate it. It's like you're partners in this. I just said we were partners, but if I think of her as a ministry, it actually helps me love her the way that Christ loved me. How did Christ love me?

He gave his life for me.

It wasn't a shamefilled thing to receive the love from Christ He. He died for me. He loved me. I'm his ministry.

I'm grateful for it, And so the way that I try to live my life is I.

I see her as someone that God has called me to love in the way that Christ loved me. I want her- it doesn't happen as frequently as it should- I want her to see Christ better because of how I treat her, And those of you who know me know I've got a long way to go, But they're your ministry, not your Messiah, And people tend to hate this. But, man, if you understand what Jesus did for you and then you turn that toward your spouse, oh, it'll change every aspect of your marriage. And it's a painful thing if I were to put her in Messiah position, isn't it?

It's really painful if she were to put me in Messiah position.

Like I, I don't have the caliber to get that done and she doesn't have the caliber to get that done. She is definitely not my Messiah. If you're single, they're not going to be your Messiah. Best case scenario: they're going to walk with you as you walk with God.

For, for women, best case scenario: he'll walk toward Christ, slightly ahead of you, with patience enough to help you keep up if he's leading you spiritually.

But they can't save you, They can't complete you, They can't give you peace, They're not going to sympathize with your weaknesses. Husbands, this is for you. They will not understand the thing that you want them to understand at the same level that you understand it, but Jesus does. You will never get full understanding from your spouse, but you get it from Christ Jesus.

Don't put that on the other person, Minister, to the other person.

It's why Paul says: "Live as though you're single, Don't need from them". This is crazy, because you're going to say like: "But I need affection". It's really nice to have affection, but you don't need it, Not from them, Because you have the affection of Christ Jesus, who stretched out his arms for you on the cross. That's affection.

You say, "I need encouragement".

It's nice to have encouragement- You're encouraging, Grateful for you- But you don't need it because you have the encouragement of Christ Jesus. The God who spoke the universe into existence has spoken over you in Christ Jesus. You don't need it from them. I need validation.

It's really cool to have, But I'm the apple of his eye.

He loves me. He called me beloved. I've been pronounced not guilty And I've been sealed by the power of God's Holy Spirit for all of eternity. I don't need validation, I've already received it.

You say "I need attention".

Not when God formed me in my mother's womb, He numbered the hairs on my head. He predestined me to be conformed to the image of his son Jesus. The attention to detail that he gave me makes what I do for her pale in comparison. I used to be pretty good.

Remember that letter?

I wrote you that one time. I've written her more than one, but that one you remember it. You know what I'm talking about. Attention to detail is crazy Pales in comparison to the God of the universe.

She needs it from him, not me.

I want to be a representative of it for her, but she needs it from him. If I try to be that person for her, I will fail and she'll be miserable, And vice versa. You've got to pursue Jesus with undivided devotion. He's the only one who can sustain you.

Some of you men in the room, maybe women- you say "I need sex.

I get it. I'm a dude". Like I get it biologically for sure. But you don't, because I'm amply supplied by the God of comfort who gives me strength in the midst of my weakness.

I'm not saying it should be that way, guys.

I'm saying I know reality for some of you, And when you put your deepest needs on that other person, that is the recipe for misery in your marriage. Some will just simply say, "I need more", But you don't. You need Christ, And he is more than enough, immeasurably more than enough for you in the midst of any scenario. That's why Paul says: whatever situation you are currently called, don't seek to depart it.

Seek Christ and be obedient.

Remain in Christ. Don't remain in them. Minister to them. I'll give you a big idea really quickly: Living a life of undivided devotion to Christ will establish the best environment for your marriage to thrive.

And as a reminder, I'm not telling anyone to get divorced.

You shouldn't. I'm not telling you to live as though you're physically single. You definitely shouldn't. If you're married, I'm telling you to have a mindset that is so saturated in the love and affection and the mercy of God that nothing else would compare.

And when you have that, and then you go to your spouse, or you find your spouse, or you interact with somebody else, or when you have your kids, you don't do it from the perspective of what you need from them.

You do it from the love that you have in Christ Jesus that overflows into your household. That's the type of life Paul's calling them to live. That's the type of life that we're called to live. And over the next few weeks I'm going to talk about men and women and how that relationship should occur in a marriage.

But I need you to understand that, regardless of those pragmatic details, undivided devotion is what gets you to a thriving marriage and a thriving life.

If you put Jesus second, third, fourth, 50th, 100th, you will not get where he wants you to be. So to the married person, I'm going to tell you something: Remain in Christ and in your marriage. See what God does when you live in undivided devotion to him. To the single person in the room, I'll tell you something similar: Remain in Christ, Don't seek a spouse.

When you seek a spouse for yourself, you're going to seek for the wrong thing.

See Christ, and he will so radically shift your posture and mindset. And as you chase him, if he's led you to that, that person's going to show up one day and you'll realize it. But seek Christ and he'll add a spouse. If he designed it that way, Remain in Christ, Don't seek a spouse and see who turns up.

That's what I found out: that God is so kind that when I follow him, he leads me to greener pastures, He restores my soul, Even when life gets difficult, he gives me comfort, He's patient with me, He develops me, He redeems me.

And so, in whatever situation you currently live, think of it as if you're called to it, Because when you think that way, that's you seeking Jesus and him giving you permission to minister in the way that Jesus ministered to us, who offered himself as a sacrifice on the cross in his deep love for us. He didn't even consider his son when he sent him to die on the cross for us, And now he's lifted up, seated at the right hand of the father, and he still loves us enough to intercede on our behalf. It's to that God we're headed, And so, wherever you are, you cling to him and attach to the vine. You're going to see victory after victory, miracle after miracle.

If we could bow our heads and close our eyes.

Let me pray, Heavenly Father. I thank you for the people in this room today. I pray that, wherever they are, whatever situation they found themselves in right now, I pray that you give them just enough comfort right now to not seek to depart that situation, but to seek you in the midst of it. God, help them seek you And when they find you, God, I'm putting you on the spot here a little bit.

I'm believing that you're going to show up for them in manifold ways, that if they're struggling in their marriage, you're going to meet them where they are and you're going to give them the wisdom to shift that environment.

If they're single and struggling, I'm believing right now that as they seek you, you're going to give them the satisfaction they need If they're thriving. God, I'm just praying they keep clinging to you so that when something does happen, they're ready to receive from you. God, I thank you for every person. Help them see you.

For anyone in this room you've yet to see God in your situation.

I want you to know he's just around the corner, but it takes a few steps in that direction sometimes. So my prayer would be today that you seek him where he can be found, And the starting point for that is with a simple confession and belief. The Bible says that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised from the dead, then you will be saved. That salvation opens the door to radical life change, And so, for whoever in this room is ready for radical life change in Christ, all you have to do is something similar to this: Say: "God, I believe that Jesus is your son.

I believe he died on the cross and rose from the grave.

Forgive me of my sin, Make me new, and I'll follow you for the rest of my